Back in November I wrote about how I had made the decision to become a work at home mum, and I shared some of my thoughts and feelings about it. At the time I think the excitement of starting a new venture coupled with the relief that I didn’t have to put Rosalie into nursery were the over-riding factors in making the decision.
I would miss this face too damn much if she was at nursery all day!
Several months in and the best way I can describe my life at the moment is a juggling act. I am so conscious that having made the decision to stay at home with Rosalie I need, and want, to be there for her, playing with her, taking her to places and helping her to develop. But sometimes during the day I find my mind wandering to my to-do list and all the things I want to achieve during Rosalie’s afternoon nap. Then I feel guilty for wishing away our time together.
But it’s not really like that. I am not wishing away our time together. I just want to make sure I manage my time most efficiently so that I can get everything done and spend quality time with her. I certainly don’t think there is anything wrong with having Rosalie crawl around the house with me whilst I do chores – she quite likes pulling socks off the airer, finds the vacuum cleaner monster amusing and I’m sure she enjoys watching me bake – and I also think having time to play alone is good for children as it gives them a chance to develop their imagination. But what I don’t want is to be hiding behind my laptop working when I should be reading Rosalie a story or building towers for her to knock down.
So I juggle. I plan like crazy, make copious to-do lists and set myself achievable goals so that I don’t lose focus. I work hard during Rosalie’s nap time and in the evenings, but I know my limitations; if I try and take on too much, or work too late, then those juggling balls will fall to the ground and I’ll be a stressed out mummy (no good for Rosalie) and a terrible proofreader (no good to my clients).
As Rosalie gets older I’m sure the way I manage my time will change; she will start to play more independently, eventually she will go to preschool, then real school, giving me greater flexibility and more time during the day to work. But I am not wishing for those days to come any quicker than they have to. I already feel like time is going too fast.
So for now I will continue performing the juggling act and hope I can pull it off.