Motherhood,Parenting

Battlefield

happy baby

I’m writing this whilst Rosalie naps, and whilst the house is peaceful and I’m looking through my photos, it’s hard to imagine that she can be anything other than angelic. But she can. The truth is, I am weary, I want to wave my white flag and say ‘I surrender’. But you don’t get to do that with parenting.

I never expected motherhood to be all jolly japes, smiling faces and magic moments; I always knew there would be challenging times, but what I didn’t realise was how sometimes every minute of Rosalie’s waking day would feel like a battle.

She’s nearly 16 months old now, and is going through a phase (I hope it’s just a phase…) of wanting to do everything herself, and also wanting to always do the opposite of what mummy wants her to do.

So from the minute I pick her out of her cot in the morning, to the moment I pull her door ajar at night, it’s just one battle after another. Nappy changes, going downstairs, getting into the highchair, eating food, getting dressed, brushing teeth, going in the pushchair, more nappy changes… the list goes on. My life has become a battlefield, peppered with only brief moments of calm and happiness.

I never imagined I would be one of those mothers who breathes a sigh of relief when the baby is in bed, but that’s what it’s been like for the last few weeks.

I feel like I’ve failed somehow, that I’ve let Rosalie break me.

It was such a relief to have the long bank holiday weekend with Jim home to soak up some of Rosalie’s grumps, but it hit us hard when he went back to work on Tuesday.

Anyone that knows me personally will tell you that patience is not my strong point, and you need it by the bucket-load to be a parent. I feel like I’ve done fairly well (for me) at keeping my cool with these latest challenges, but singing is the only tool in my arsenal. If singing or action rhymes don’t distract Rosalie from her mood, then I’ve got nothing. I think I need some new coping mechanisms, otherwise the next few months (years?) are going to be tough.

It’s lucky she’s so damn cute, that’s all I can say.

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6 Comments

  • Reply
    Katy F
    April 10, 2015 at 8:22 am

    Ah you havent failed her by feeling relief- I feel relief every night when they are asleep. Last night L stayed awake until 10pm!!!!!! I was really annoyed at first but I realised she has never done that in a whole year so it is just a phase that will pass! And yes, lucky they are cute haha! x

  • Reply
    Jess Eliot
    April 10, 2015 at 11:45 am

    Oh, thank you Katy. I'm feeling much better about things today having had some proper time to be just me last night thanks to a good friend and some wine! Hope L doesn't stay awake until 10 tonight! xx

  • Reply
    Carie
    April 10, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    You definitely haven't failed. If breathing a sigh of relief when they're all tucked up in bed is failure than there isn't a mother alive who's a success. There are days where they're angelic and days when they drive you crackers and it doesn't mean you don't love them, it just means you need to recharge. And thank goodness for singing, it's how I let off steam when I can feel the patience wearing thin!

  • Reply
    Jess Eliot
    April 10, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    I definitely needed to recharge, and I felt so much better for getting away from it all for a couple of hours. I don't know what I'd do without singing! Thanks for your kind words Carie x

  • Reply
    LittleOandme
    April 12, 2015 at 3:17 pm

    It sounds like Rosalie and Oliver have a similar temperament from not liking cuddles to being strong willed. I sing a lot at home too, wheels on the bus has saved me on numerous occasions!! I promise you that you haven't failed, I sigh in relief when I can close Oliver's bedroom door and just be for a couple of hours. The love between you and Rosalie shines through in your blog. Let me know if you do find anymore coping mechanisms, I need some too 😉
    Becky xx

  • Reply
    Jess Eliot
    April 13, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    Thank you so much for your comment Becky – R and O do sound similar, we should meet up and swap parenting tactics! At the moment 'this little piggy…' is working to distract Rosalie from her tantrums, we'll see how long it lasts xxx

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