Post written 25th May at 5 weeks pregnant
Is it possible to be hysterically excited and totally petrified at the same time? I think so, because I am. When the pregnancy test came back positive I couldn’t help but grin from ear-to-ear, and wanted to fling the windows open and yell to the world that we were pregnant; but another part of me was trying to hold me back, cautioning me that things might not turn out well. That’s the struggle with pregnancy after a loss, you can’t let yourself get over-excited, and daydream about your growing baby.
I did another test a few days later, and it came back with those joyous words ‘pregnant 2-3’ and I was ecstatic, and Jim was too. Rosalie joined in the group hug, although at only two and a half of course she doesn’t fully understand.
I am now 5 weeks pregnant, and I really hope that I eventually get to publish this post. I called the midwife today to make my booking in appointment and it all seems very real. So far this pregnancy has been really similar to my pregnancy with Rosalie – extreme tiredness and waves of nausea. I have had no bleeding whatsoever, unlike my last pregnancy, which I know is a really good sign.
I am still trying to take each day as it comes, but it just feels so different to my last pregnancy, that I feel certain everything is going to be ok. Although typing that has made me really nervous, tempting fate.
A few good friends have recently announced their pregnancies, and it has been hard to keep quiet about what’s going on with me; it’s tough waiting to tell people until after the first trimester as our bodies are going through so much it would be really nice to be able to chat to people.
I still check for blood every time I go to the loo, but that’s probably normal five weeks pregnant behaviour, right?
I can’t wait to hear your tiny fast heartbeat; stay sticky little bean.